








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 392 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 490 matches | ||
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 61 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4612 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,376 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4745 | 21% |
| Smokes | 6664 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5487 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 5480 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $985,462 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Shelby | 65% | 49 |
| #2 | Gizelli | 60% | 99 |
| #3 | Eggman23 | 58% | 71 |
| #4 | housecat | 52% | 230 |
| #5 | Aleybongo | 51% | 473 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | whiteBOY69 | 51% | 59 |
| #8 | shtick | 48% | 67 |
| #9 | Kmt | 47% | 36 |
| #10 | p0nz | 46% | 87 |
| #11 | jwma | 45% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aleybongo | 11 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | John Shelby | 7 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | p0nz | 6 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Gizelli | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | shtick | 3 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | housecat | 850 | 0.16 | 23 min |
| #2 | Turteh | 708 | 0.20 | 16 min |
| #3 | Aleybongo | 522 | 0.05 | 14 min |
| #4 | p0nz | 355 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #5 | Gizelli | 313 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gizelli | +2.62 | 86 | 63 |
| #2 | jwma | +1.96 | 88 | 57 |
| #3 | Turteh | +1.29 | 77 | 63 |
| #4 | John Shelby | +0.89 | 79 | 45 |
| #5 | housecat | +0.84 | 81 | 57 |





