








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 848 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4060 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,561 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 850 | 4% |
| Smokes | 5661 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 8415 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 5635 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,225 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Jöns Håkansson från Bemanab | 41% | 153 |
| #10 | jocheN | 41% | 49 |
| #11 | ballhalla | 39% | 72 |
| #12 | KebabStockExperten.se | 38% | 94 |
| #13 | its me, Jeiko, duh. | 36% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bipolar Owl | 9 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Sweden > Norway | 7 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | HEISENBERG | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Jöns Håkansson från Bemanab | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | KebabStockExperten.se | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HEISENBERG | 279 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | Sweden > Norway | 264 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | its me, Jeiko, duh. | 135 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Bipolar Owl | 89 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | jocheN | 82 | 0.09 | 2 min |





