








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 155 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2450 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,445 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 434 | 6% |
| Smokes | 392 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 4355 | 58% |
| Molotovs | 2264 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $573,209 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | ballhalla | 40% | 65 |
| #12 | Country Toad | 39% | 87 |
| #13 | jocheN | 37% | 27 |
| #14 | its me, Jeiko, duh. | 36% | 56 |
| #15 | KebabStockExperten.se | 34% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | totally spies | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | HEISENBERG | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Sweden > Norway | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Touring Liam | 4 | 0.0130 |
| #5 | Jöns Håkansson från Bemanab | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HEISENBERG | 228 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | Sweden > Norway | 207 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #3 | totally spies | 184 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #4 | its me, Jeiko, duh. | 111 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | KebabStockExperten.se | 58 | 0.05 | 1 min |





