








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1124 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,499 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 887 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1068 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 928 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 616 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $346,202 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Jay Huncho | 56% | 18 |
| #2 | Nailz | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | benzo | 45% | 71 |
| #4 | Tin | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | kennyWonderchild | 44% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jeff E. | 32% | 19 |
| #9 | benhameen | 29% | 14 |
| #10 | realnwordalert | 29% | 21 |
| #11 | BootyMuncher | 25% | 12 |
| #12 | Darby | 23% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | benzo | 20 | 0.0137 |
| #2 | マチ゠コマチネ | 6 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | kennyWonderchild | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Philadelphia Collins | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | realnwordalert | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | benzo | 77 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #2 | Darby | 64 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | kennyWonderchild | 50 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | ✪ Jay Huncho | 49 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nailz | 43 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | benzo | +5.41 | 90 | 48 |
| #2 | benhameen | +2.11 | 88 | 62 |
| #3 | ✪ Jay Huncho | +1.80 | 66 | 47 |
| #4 | kennyWonderchild | +1.10 | 66 | 49 |
| #5 | マチ゠コマチネ | +0.63 | 80 | 41 |





