








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
776 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 419 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 157 | 37% |
| Smokes | 106 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 39 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 117 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $129,285 of utility $40 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zincfingers | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Mr.Dolphin | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | TEACHER | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | Nailz | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | Philadelphia Collins | 45% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | マチ゠コマチネ | 13 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | Mr.Dolphin | 10 | 0.0272 |
| #3 | benzo | 4 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | ☹ | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Zincfingers | 3 | 0.0141 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Darby | 136 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | ✪ Jay Huncho | 93 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | マチ゠コマチネ | 76 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Mr.Dolphin | 70 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | kennyWonderchild | 50 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | benzo | +5.03 | 92 | 44 |
| #2 | kennyWonderchild | +2.93 | 62 | 47 |
| #3 | Nailz | +2.59 | 62 | 57 |
| #4 | Philadelphia Collins | +1.79 | 71 | 38 |
| #5 | TEACHER | +1.64 | 63 | 53 |





