








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
524 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,380 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 599 | 43% |
| Smokes | 399 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 105 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 277 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $130,882 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 103 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | BootyMuncher | 25% | 8 |
| #13 | ☹ | 25% | 8 |
| #14 | realnwordalert | 24% | 37 |
| #15 | Bangers. | 23% | 22 |
| #16 | benzo | 11% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | マチ゠コマチネ | 9 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | realnwordalert | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Philadelphia Collins | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Nailz | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | benzo | 1 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Jay Huncho | 78 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Nailz | 47 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #3 | マチ゠コマチネ | 36 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Bangers. | 35 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | TrickyOD | 32 | 0.07 | 1 min |





