








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 717 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 494 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 133 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4536 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 22,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3782 | 17% |
| Smokes | 5633 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7203 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 5533 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,522,344 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1221 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Helge Adam | 63% | 30 |
| #2 | SteenD | 62% | 29 |
| #3 | ☘ | 57% | 47 |
| #4 | Tobi | 57% | 37 |
| #5 | guldberggay | 55% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | mew | 52% | 42 |
| #8 | VillyMaximus | 52% | 306 |
| #9 | dɐni | 52% | 380 |
| #10 | Wizlip | 51% | 292 |
| #11 | General Figglebottom | 51% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wizlip | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | dɐni | 8 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | VillyMaximus | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | guldberggay | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | General Figglebottom | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dɐni | 1113 | 0.13 | 27 min |
| #2 | Wizlip | 877 | 0.14 | 23 min |
| #3 | VillyMaximus | 681 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #4 | guldberggay | 187 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | ☘ | 165 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SteenD | +3.87 | 72 | 66 |
| #2 | dɐni | +1.96 | 63 | 67 |
| #3 | Wizlip | +0.97 | 63 | 68 |
| #4 | Skou | +0.65 | 63 | 66 |
| #5 | VillyMaximus | +0.64 | 65 | 70 |





