








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 420 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 189 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1764 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,161 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2312 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1849 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 784 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1216 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $748,410 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 260 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FirePatriot | 57% | 35 |
| #2 | Schuetz | 53% | 75 |
| #3 | BHammer | 53% | 53 |
| #4 | Orb | 51% | 194 |
| #5 | Dr. Zeus | 50% | 177 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | 1CunningKitten | 41% | 17 |
| #10 | Just a lil Guy | 40% | 43 |
| #11 | Crayon Muncher 🖍 | 37% | 54 |
| #12 | Nighthawk_15 | 35% | 46 |
| #13 | m00SE | 35% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Zeus | 11 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Crayon Muncher 🖍 | 8 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Orb | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Schuetz | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | pdizzy | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Zeus | 594 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | Orb | 559 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #3 | Crayon Muncher 🖍 | 187 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Schuetz | 156 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | BHammer | 145 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schuetz | +4.81 | 80 | 60 |
| #2 | FirePatriot | +3.71 | 74 | 64 |
| #3 | Orb | +1.89 | 83 | 57 |
| #4 | 1CunningKitten | +1.66 | 83 | 46 |
| #5 | pdizzy | +0.62 | 43 | 53 |





