








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 444 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 356 matches | ||
| Wingman | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3755 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,658 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3622 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4762 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3311 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3963 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $928,169 of utility $97 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 523 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | john pork ▶︎ •၊၊||၊| | 53% | 53 |
| #2 | Schuetz | 49% | 49 |
| #3 | Dr. Zeus | 49% | 98 |
| #4 | Orb | 48% | 248 |
| #5 | PoppyChan69 | 46% | 135 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Kranked | 44% | 59 |
| #7 | Underhill | 43% | 65 |
| #8 | MountainDrew31 | 42% | 57 |
| #9 | Royal | 39% | 23 |
| #10 | HartCuber | 31% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Orb | 8 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | PoppyChan69 | 8 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Kranked | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Dr. Zeus | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | john pork ▶︎ •၊၊||၊| | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Orb | 695 | 0.13 | 16 min |
| #2 | Dr. Zeus | 292 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | MountainDrew31 | 224 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #4 | PoppyChan69 | 176 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | john pork ▶︎ •၊၊||၊| | 152 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Underhill | +3.70 | 61 | 45 |
| #2 | Schuetz | +2.30 | 72 | 61 |
| #3 | Orb | +1.05 | 82 | 54 |
| #4 | Kranked | +0.52 | 65 | 33 |
| #5 | Royal | +0.37 | 52 | 44 |





