








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1266 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 581 matches | ||
| Wingman | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6364 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,903 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7143 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2161 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 6690 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 4909 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,284,187 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 396 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FirePatriot | 53% | 59 |
| #2 | Underhill | 51% | 84 |
| #3 | john pork ▶︎ •၊၊||၊| | 51% | 194 |
| #4 | Schuetz | 50% | 149 |
| #5 | PoppyChan69 | 49% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | m00SE | 41% | 74 |
| #13 | Crayon Muncher 🖍 | 40% | 90 |
| #14 | MountainDrew31 | 39% | 72 |
| #15 | Just a lil Guy | 38% | 73 |
| #16 | Nighthawk_15 | 34% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | john pork ▶︎ •၊၊||၊| | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Dr. Zeus | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Kranked | 7 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | BHammer | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Schuetz | 5 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Zeus | 995 | 0.14 | 24 min |
| #2 | john pork ▶︎ •၊၊||၊| | 562 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #3 | BHammer | 552 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #4 | Schuetz | 393 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #5 | Crayon Muncher 🖍 | 376 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Underhill | +3.43 | 62 | 46 |
| #2 | Schuetz | +3.14 | 77 | 61 |
| #3 | FirePatriot | +1.98 | 63 | 58 |
| #4 | PoppyChan69 | +1.05 | 60 | 50 |
| #5 | Orb | +0.66 | 81 | 55 |





