








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 230 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 174 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2479 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,729 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2295 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2153 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1525 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1756 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,212,092 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1676 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Woots | 52% | 23 |
| #2 | Bnaugs | 52% | 81 |
| #3 | -Icarus | 50% | 34 |
| #4 | dr | 46% | 48 |
| #5 | я ē 𝗯 ù 𝐤 | 45% | 214 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | CashMoe | 40% | 48 |
| #9 | Kr1lla | 39% | 54 |
| #10 | Spence | 38% | 16 |
| #11 | 1,000 Denials | 36% | 45 |
| #12 | low brain cell | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | я ē 𝗯 ù 𝐤 | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | tj3y | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Bnaugs | 5 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | CashMoe | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | dr | 4 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | я ē 𝗯 ù 𝐤 | 583 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #2 | String Bean | 478 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #3 | Bnaugs | 368 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #4 | 1,000 Denials | 312 | 0.33 | 8 min |
| #5 | Kr1lla | 152 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1,000 Denials | +0.97 | 76 | 66 |
| #2 | Woots | +0.53 | 78 | 56 |
| #3 | я ē 𝗯 ù 𝐤 | +0.48 | 78 | 58 |
| #4 | ♣ Dilly | +0.22 | 77 | 59 |
| #5 | tj3y | +0.19 | 51 | 65 |





