








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1201 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 550 matches | ||
| Faceit | 330 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 153 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8605 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,852 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3786 | 11% |
| Smokes | 9553 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 11411 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 10102 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,148,691 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 523 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Arttu01 | 52% | 126 |
| #2 | Kaakelberg | 51% | 146 |
| #3 | Hatsib♡b | 50% | 80 |
| #4 | Hapsu | 49% | 378 |
| #5 | JM | 48% | 170 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Creaticide | 48% | 324 |
| #8 | Blunt | 47% | 186 |
| #9 | urbanurger | 47% | 527 |
| #10 | Lalsu | 46% | 164 |
| #11 | ping meister 420 ez | 45% | 236 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | urbanurger | 35 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Kaakelberg | 20 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Hapsu | 19 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Blunt | 15 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Waliho | 13 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | urbanurger | 2344 | 0.21 | 61 min |
| #2 | Waliho | 1775 | 0.20 | 52 min |
| #3 | Hapsu | 1770 | 0.21 | 50 min |
| #4 | ping meister 420 ez | 1382 | 0.27 | 39 min |
| #5 | Creaticide | 738 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | +2.54 | 82 | 51 |
| #2 | Kaakelberg | +2.21 | 79 | 68 |
| #3 | JM | +1.41 | 83 | 61 |
| #4 | Hapsu | +1.36 | 68 | 77 |
| #5 | Arttu01 | +1.28 | 41 | 53 |





