










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 184 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
327 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 634 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 77 | 12% |
| Smokes | 241 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 207 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 109 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $407,200 of utility $301 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chief Red Eye | 44% | 9 |
| #2 | Sparkity | 43% | 49 |
| #3 | Banjo lawrence | 42% | 31 |
| #4 | Comma | 41% | 44 |
| #5 | McThiccums | 38% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | McThiccums | 38% | 53 |
| #6 | Hoedini | 38% | 8 |
| #7 | Kichi | 36% | 22 |
| #8 | Hans Olo | 31% | 16 |
| #9 | CamLToe | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comma | 19 | 0.0214 |
| #2 | McThiccums | 6 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Sparkity | 6 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Banjo lawrence | 6 | 0.0095 |
| #5 | Hans Olo | 3 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comma | 103 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | Sparkity | 72 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Hans Olo | 40 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | CamLToe | 37 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Banjo lawrence | 30 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comma | +5.61 | 67 | 73 |
| #2 | Sparkity | +4.92 | 72 | 57 |
| #3 | Banjo lawrence | +1.84 | 29 | 39 |
| #4 | Chief Red Eye | -0.48 | 46 | 34 |
| #5 | Hans Olo | -0.91 | 43 | 64 |





