








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 829 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 55 matches | ||
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




106 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3669 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,592 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1938 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2723 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1732 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3199 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,053,471 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1933 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deathstrike | 55% | 53 |
| #2 | CamLToe | 54% | 52 |
| #3 | Seize | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | Sparkity | 51% | 321 |
| #5 | Comma | 51% | 192 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Quasi | 43% | 83 |
| #12 | Chief Red Eye | 42% | 157 |
| #13 | Jaax | 42% | 31 |
| #14 | Hans Olo | 40% | 121 |
| #15 | Kichi | 29% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Comma | 89 | 0.0231 |
| #2 | Hoedini | 34 | 0.0083 |
| #3 | Sparkity | 22 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | McThiccums | 18 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Hans Olo | 11 | 0.0046 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hoedini | 557 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | Sparkity | 501 | 0.08 | 13 min |
| #3 | Comma | 403 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #4 | Hans Olo | 314 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #5 | Chief Red Eye | 302 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sparkity | +3.87 | 74 | 58 |
| #2 | Comma | +3.64 | 67 | 66 |
| #3 | Hoedini | +2.71 | 53 | 59 |
| #4 | Deathstrike | +1.54 | 64 | 25 |
| #5 | Banjo lawrence | +0.57 | 28 | 38 |





