








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 845 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 515 matches | ||
| Faceit | 172 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7532 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 41,824 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11182 | 27% |
| Smokes | 12872 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 8439 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 9331 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,529,097 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3154 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BABS4088 | 55% | 47 |
| #2 | Lag | 54% | 124 |
| #3 | Shubenator | 54% | 106 |
| #4 | sauce | 52% | 169 |
| #5 | hotdog | 49% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | OldStove | 47% | 163 |
| #10 | AAABAAAJSS | 45% | 205 |
| #11 | NumbSkull | 40% | 144 |
| #12 | Seff | 38% | 50 |
| #13 | Deathmegatron500 | 37% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sputthole | 26 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | sauce | 8 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | NumbSkull | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | essentially ape | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Lag | 4 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou Sputthole | 981 | 0.11 | 21 min |
| #2 | essentially ape | 794 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #3 | sauce | 483 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #4 | AAABAAAJSS | 425 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #5 | Lag | 331 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | essentially ape | +2.35 | 71 | 62 |
| #2 | BooskiBro | +2.25 | 60 | 77 |
| #3 | sauce | +1.83 | 66 | 59 |
| #4 | Lag | +1.36 | 62 | 57 |
| #5 | Lou Sputthole | -0.41 | 55 | 54 |





