








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
560 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 946 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 293 | 31% |
| Smokes | 275 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 159 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 219 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $107,345 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | USSR-DDoS | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | arch1e | 100% | 5 |
| #3 | papanasy0 | 83% | 6 |
| #4 | Jet | 82% | 11 |
| #5 | fi3ld | 78% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Cooki3 | 67% | 3 |
| #11 | Skeliton | 67% | 3 |
| #12 | para | 64% | 14 |
| #13 | ANUB7S | 64% | 25 |
| #14 | CmK ✞ | 58% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jet | 8 | 0.0383 |
| #2 | fi3ld | 4 | 0.0244 |
| #3 | SN1P3Z | 3 | 0.0405 |
| #4 | ANUB7S | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Serenity | 2 | 0.0144 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ANUB7S | 59 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jet | 41 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #3 | para | 29 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | 7ourney | 21 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | papanasy0 | 18 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | arch1e | +9.74 | 99 | 56 |
| #2 | ANUB7S | +4.53 | 92 | 71 |
| #3 | Jet | +4.06 | 80 | 48 |
| #4 | papanasy0 | +3.99 | 69 | 51 |
| #5 | SN1P3Z | +3.87 | 62 | 63 |





