










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1441 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,089 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1333 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1025 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 979 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 752 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $905,312 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1765 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Sharty Marty | 52% | 117 |
| #3 | Bober Kurwa | 49% | 82 |
| #4 | BlueGemBubba | 48% | 40 |
| #5 | Plug Walk | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | BlueGemBubba | 48% | 40 |
| #5 | Plug Walk | 46% | 39 |
| #6 | Zook | 42% | 55 |
| #7 | ExfoliatedFupa | 39% | 38 |
| #8 | ZseT | 38% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sharty Marty | 13 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Bober Kurwa | 9 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Plug Walk | 7 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | ExfoliatedFupa | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | ZseT | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sharty Marty | 252 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | Bober Kurwa | 115 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Plug Walk | 91 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Black | 28 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | ZseT | 25 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sharty Marty | +6.09 | 83 | 59 |
| #2 | Zook | +2.95 | 85 | 23 |
| #3 | Plug Walk | +2.72 | 74 | 43 |
| #4 | ZseT | +0.02 | 69 | 40 |
| #5 | ExfoliatedFupa | -0.17 | 54 | 31 |





