








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 148 matches | ||
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2716 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,160 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4298 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3883 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3880 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3099 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $330,673 of utility $57 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 156 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .koGe | 61% | 46 |
| #2 | The OG Nibbler | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | ekuB | 56% | 64 |
| #4 | sΓ€ynis | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | Public Idiot Number One | 55% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Jontte | 50% | 24 |
| #11 | ππ
·π
΄ π
Ίπ
Έπ
½π
Ά BOB3000 | 50% | 115 |
| #12 | me0wthing | 48% | 27 |
| #13 | βͺWidescreenIRL | 38% | 16 |
| #14 | ReNmiL | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Public Idiot Number One | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | .koGe | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | me0wthing | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | ππ
·π
΄ π
Ίπ
Έπ
½π
Ά BOB3000 | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | ekuB | 1 | 0.0008 |





