








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 380 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 553 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3402 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,079 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5009 | 22% |
| Smokes | 7254 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4820 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5996 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,899,367 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 573 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -Billy | 56% | 64 |
| #2 | darki3 | 55% | 40 |
| #3 | saZy | 51% | 59 |
| #4 | Public Idiot Number One | 50% | 230 |
| #5 | bnq | 49% | 506 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | säynis | 48% | 199 |
| #7 | The OG Nibbler | 47% | 347 |
| #8 | shyyshglababii -_- | 47% | 70 |
| #9 | Larry Niles | 46% | 168 |
| #10 | eMpi. | 45% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bnq | 19 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | The OG Nibbler | 14 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | -Billy | 11 | 0.0084 |
| #4 | Larry Niles | 10 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Public Idiot Number One | 4 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bnq | 1894 | 0.18 | 51 min |
| #2 | säynis | 841 | 0.20 | 21 min |
| #3 | Public Idiot Number One | 478 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| #4 | The OG Nibbler | 432 | 0.06 | 13 min |
| #5 | -Billy | 336 | 0.26 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Public Idiot Number One | +2.40 | 72 | 66 |
| #2 | shyyshglababii -_- | +1.78 | 70 | 64 |
| #3 | saZy | +1.76 | 82 | 58 |
| #4 | -Billy | +0.82 | 61 | 76 |
| #5 | bnq | +0.78 | 50 | 70 |





