








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
846 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,177 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 709 | 22% |
| Smokes | 950 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 712 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 806 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $224,319 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 78 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | super1k | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | Supermade | 78% | 9 |
| #3 | duckferno | 75% | 8 |
| #4 | KuzcosPoison | 75% | 8 |
| #5 | ARAB THANOS | 75% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | hheeyyyy | 55% | 33 |
| #8 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 44% | 34 |
| #9 | treeboy | 41% | 29 |
| #10 | dyran | 33% | 9 |
| #11 | Dogy | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 4 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | hheeyyyy | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | treeboy | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | ARAB THANOS | 2 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | Tiger With A Pickle | 2 | 0.0155 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dyran | 44 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #2 | treeboy | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 32 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | ARAB THANOS | 25 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #5 | Tiger With A Pickle | 22 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | super1k | +3.98 | 95 | 73 |
| #2 | Fuck you | +3.92 | 68 | 70 |
| #3 | ARAB THANOS | +3.09 | 52 | 63 |
| #4 | Supermade | +2.51 | 79 | 84 |
| #5 | dyran | +1.32 | 75 | 63 |





