








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 212 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2594 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,906 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 654 | 9% |
| Smokes | 2643 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 1576 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2033 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,875,802 of utility $251 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 200 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | 60% | 42 |
| #2 | Hugh Jerection | 59% | 39 |
| #3 | Fuck you | 55% | 33 |
| #4 | Dogy | 52% | 73 |
| #5 | treeboy | 50% | 242 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | treeboy | 50% | 242 |
| #6 | KuzcosPoison | 49% | 41 |
| #7 | dyran | 47% | 118 |
| #8 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 45% | 161 |
| #9 | A Good Ol Nut | 44% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pinga De James Bond 007 | 12 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | treeboy | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Fuck you | 6 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | dyran | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Richard Fitzwell | 4 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dyran | 503 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #2 | treeboy | 415 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #3 | Hugh Jerection | 201 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #4 | Richard Fitzwell | 168 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #5 | Dogy | 162 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | +4.85 | 64 | 75 |
| #2 | dyran | +3.88 | 71 | 62 |
| #3 | Hugh Jerection | +2.86 | 61 | 72 |
| #4 | Fuck you | +2.74 | 62 | 65 |
| #5 | A Good Ol Nut | +1.04 | 79 | 47 |





