








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 62 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 187 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2311 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,498 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1996 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1804 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2399 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1299 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $291,397 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 58 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | 92% | 12 |
| #2 | super1k | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | Hugh Jerection | 53% | 73 |
| #4 | duckferno | 53% | 134 |
| #5 | A_Sweaty_Yoga_Mat | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | 92% | 12 |
| #2 | super1k | 58% | 31 |
| #3 | Hugh Jerection | 53% | 73 |
| #4 | duckferno | 53% | 134 |
| #5 | A_Sweaty_Yoga_Mat | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugh Jerection | 6 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | duckferno | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | super1k | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Richard Fitzwell | 1 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | duckferno | 137 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #2 | Hugh Jerection | 86 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Richard Fitzwell | 28 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | super1k | 23 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | A_Sweaty_Yoga_Mat | 10 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | +3.45 | 64 | 67 |
| #2 | super1k | +3.08 | 91 | 65 |
| #3 | Hugh Jerection | +2.93 | 67 | 58 |
| #4 | Supermade | +2.01 | 77 | 78 |
| #5 | duckferno | -0.91 | 69 | 67 |





