








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 42 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1759 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,958 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1664 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3034 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3654 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2606 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $895,165 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 539 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugh Jerection | 55% | 56 |
| #2 | Richard Fitzwell | 54% | 59 |
| #3 | Dogy | 48% | 86 |
| #4 | dyran | 47% | 100 |
| #5 | treeboy | 47% | 178 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | 10 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | treeboy | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Fuck you | 5 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | hheeyyyy | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Hugh Jerection | 4 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dyran | 395 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #2 | Hugh Jerection | 239 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | treeboy | 206 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | Richard Fitzwell | 182 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | Dogy | 158 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Richard Fitzwell | +5.21 | 62 | 75 |
| #2 | dyran | +4.08 | 71 | 61 |
| #3 | Fuck you | +3.56 | 63 | 69 |
| #4 | Hugh Jerection | +3.43 | 62 | 70 |
| #5 | A Good Ol Nut | +1.27 | 78 | 44 |





