








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 908 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 435 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6117 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,230 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3122 | 17% |
| Smokes | 6173 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 4340 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4595 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,357,025 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 828 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Candy Corn Buddah | 43% | 136 |
| #13 | -abso|ution- | 43% | 356 |
| #14 | FallN | 43% | 149 |
| #15 | Pb | 42% | 196 |
| #16 | vandal_ | 40% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -abso|ution- | 14 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Pb | 11 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | iiCaptain | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Dr. Butt Humpest | 8 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | jax- | 7 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iiCaptain | 663 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #2 | Dr. Butt Humpest | 455 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | FallN | 374 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | jax- | 308 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | Skysong | 289 | 0.29 | 5 min |





