








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 570 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 727 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 63 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 198 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7572 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 39,204 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 14983 | 38% |
| Smokes | 9844 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 8541 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 5836 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,055,474 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 798 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | -abso|ution- | 43% | 687 |
| #11 | AcornNuggets | 43% | 149 |
| #12 | TimbsAndAForty | 42% | 175 |
| #13 | Dr. Butt Humpest | 41% | 147 |
| #14 | Candy Corn Buddah | 40% | 237 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -abso|ution- | 31 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Pb | 23 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Dr. Butt Humpest | 16 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | vandal_ | 14 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Candy Corn Buddah | 14 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skysong | 920 | 0.29 | 16 min |
| #2 | iiCaptain | 675 | 0.15 | 15 min |
| #3 | Pb | 608 | 0.06 | 12 min |
| #4 | -abso|ution- | 551 | 0.04 | 14 min |
| #5 | Dr. Butt Humpest | 400 | 0.13 | 7 min |





