








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 792 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 438 matches | ||
| Faceit | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 118 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5654 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4630 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4352 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 6110 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 5059 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,446,818 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | iiCaptain | 45% | 397 |
| #11 | StaR | 42% | 67 |
| #12 | FallN | 41% | 147 |
| #13 | Candy Corn Buddah | 40% | 180 |
| #14 | Skysong | 37% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AcornNuggets | 18 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | -abso|ution- | 14 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | vandal_ | 13 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Candy Corn Buddah | 11 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | iiCaptain | 10 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iiCaptain | 1234 | 0.15 | 28 min |
| #2 | Skysong | 833 | 0.31 | 15 min |
| #3 | FallN | 373 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | Pb | 341 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #5 | AcornNuggets | 281 | 0.08 | 6 min |





