










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
276 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 622 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 140 | 23% |
| Smokes | 91 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 312 | 50% |
| Molotovs | 79 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $291,172 of utility $390 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | PixelPkn | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | 31% | 35 |
| #6 | PixelatedMemory | 29% | 17 |
| #7 | deepfried | 17% | 6 |
| #8 | (っ´ཀ`)っ | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | PixelatedMemory | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | deepfried | 1 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CRSPYTATERTOTz | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | PixelatedMemory | 48 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | deepfried | 12 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #4 | PixelPkn | 4 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #5 | (っ´ཀ`)っ | 3 | 0.04 | 0 min |





