








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 100 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Esplay | 8 matches | 1,619 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1292 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,205 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 624 | 19% |
| Smokes | 879 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 818 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 884 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $513,771 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jonkler | 50% | 8 |
| #9 | ZAROSE | 50% | 16 |
| #10 | Keanu Reeves | 39% | 41 |
| #11 | Whemplar | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | kapten gurka | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Keanu Reeves | 20 | 0.0264 |
| #2 | Slonk | 16 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | 𝙰𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 | 4 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | Nyekozu | 3 | 0.0073 |
| #5 | kapten gurka | 3 | 0.0183 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slonk | 110 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Nyekozu | 95 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #3 | 𝙰𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 | 92 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Keanu Reeves | 66 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | bloff | 66 | 0.18 | 2 min |





