








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 213 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 171 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1794 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,215 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2838 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2101 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1730 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1546 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $398,395 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 👶TaR👶 | 84% | 19 |
| #2 | ClémenceLEMUR^[lpdq] | 75% | 12 |
| #3 | John-David[sc] | 74% | 23 |
| #4 | djiKON | 71% | 17 |
| #5 | KaiiiKo | 70% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #17 | h4 | 56% | 41 |
| #18 | KAYMAAKjjang | 54% | 63 |
| #19 | bLd | 53% | 19 |
| #20 | HAMDOULILAH RIP THE DREAM | 50% | 14 |
| #21 | oXiaS4YOU***** | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 👶TaR👶 | 3 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | eli LPDQ^ | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | arthur | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | djiKON | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyo* | 407 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | KAYMAAKjjang | 198 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | eli LPDQ^ | 135 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | zalek | 103 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | ROU✘CARNAGE[lpdq] | 97 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyo* | +2.41 | 84 | 72 |
| #2 | h4 | +1.51 | 80 | 70 |
| #3 | KAYMAAKjjang | +1.51 | 59 | 69 |
| #4 | zalek | +1.11 | 78 | 68 |
| #5 | chan`cyalan.com | +0.87 | 66 | 78 |





