








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 442 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 158 matches | ||
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2282 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,542 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2403 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2464 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1549 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2126 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,009,439 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 98 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xpRim | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | .bru | 73% | 45 |
| #3 | chan`cyalan.com | 70% | 40 |
| #4 | eli LPDQ^ | 70% | 66 |
| #5 | Kyo* | 65% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | oXiaS4YOU***** | 53% | 15 |
| #15 | Garek[lpdq] | 53% | 19 |
| #16 | Yaki.C | 51% | 47 |
| #17 | Svetlana | 49% | 37 |
| #18 | bLd | 38% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 👶TaR👶 | 6 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | eli LPDQ^ | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | bLd | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Yaki.C | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | .bru | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyo* | 378 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | eli LPDQ^ | 206 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | chan`cyalan.com | 195 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #4 | bLd | 167 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #5 | Yaki.C | 161 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | h4 | +2.40 | 85 | 72 |
| #2 | Kyo* | +2.20 | 83 | 73 |
| #3 | xpRim | +1.96 | 72 | 72 |
| #4 | KAYMAAKjjang | +1.71 | 71 | 74 |
| #5 | eli LPDQ^ | +1.60 | 55 | 63 |





