








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 420 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 238 matches | ||
| Premier | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4026 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,047 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2703 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3556 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2918 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3870 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $986,480 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 711 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ElephanT | 58% | 206 |
| #6 | a idiot | 57% | 35 |
| #7 | Coach Parnell | 57% | 69 |
| #8 | myst-ical ballz | 56% | 75 |
| #9 | camille | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | myst-ical ballz | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Coach Parnell | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | ElephanT | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | Kezza | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | a idiot | 2 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ElephanT | 1280 | 0.29 | 36 min |
| #2 | harbor | 598 | 0.31 | 15 min |
| #3 | Kezza | 318 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | a idiot | 277 | 0.33 | 8 min |
| #5 | Coach Parnell | 272 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flattsful | +2.11 | 88 | 68 |
| #2 | lawlkay | +2.06 | 85 | 62 |
| #3 | ElephanT | +1.36 | 90 | 75 |
| #4 | a idiot | +1.21 | 89 | 73 |
| #5 | harbor | +0.55 | 81 | 74 |





