








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 261 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2142 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,278 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2899 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2692 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3442 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2245 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $291,176 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 482 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WHALE_PIGEON | 60% | 126 |
| #2 | Gouranga | 55% | 95 |
| #3 | jonarsen | 54% | 128 |
| #4 | ab0rt | 52% | 218 |
| #5 | play2k | 49% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | play2k | 49% | 84 |
| #6 | werdna | 48% | 132 |
| #7 | ColdToiletSeats | 40% | 20 |
| #8 | KOALA_SHEEP | 35% | 20 |
| #9 | Medusa | 24% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | play2k | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | ab0rt | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Gouranga | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | werdna | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | jonarsen | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jonarsen | 473 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #2 | WHALE_PIGEON | 281 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | play2k | 168 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | werdna | 143 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Gouranga | 136 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WHALE_PIGEON | +4.71 | 90 | 68 |
| #2 | ab0rt | +1.91 | 75 | 45 |
| #3 | nahcarts | +0.06 | 72 | 75 |
| #4 | ColdToiletSeats | +0.01 | 65 | 81 |
| #5 | jonarsen | -0.47 | 72 | 71 |





