








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 465 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2870 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,094 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4292 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3449 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3989 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3364 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $604,179 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 234 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ColdToiletSeats | 63% | 56 |
| #2 | WHALE_PIGEON | 61% | 184 |
| #3 | ab0rt | 55% | 259 |
| #4 | Gouranga | 54% | 112 |
| #5 | nahcarts | 54% | 128 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | nahcarts | 54% | 128 |
| #6 | werdna | 54% | 154 |
| #7 | Medusa | 46% | 26 |
| #8 | KOALA_SHEEP | 45% | 22 |
| #9 | play2k | 42% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | play2k | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | ab0rt | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | WHALE_PIGEON | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | werdna | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | nahcarts | 4 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WHALE_PIGEON | 524 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #2 | nahcarts | 313 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #3 | play2k | 195 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | werdna | 172 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | ColdToiletSeats | 168 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WHALE_PIGEON | +5.21 | 88 | 69 |
| #2 | ab0rt | +1.85 | 74 | 46 |
| #3 | nahcarts | +0.10 | 73 | 75 |
| #4 | ColdToiletSeats | -0.14 | 64 | 80 |
| #5 | jonarsen | -0.44 | 71 | 71 |





