








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 341 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 206 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3631 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,542 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3195 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2955 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2938 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3454 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,180,663 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 477 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nahcarts | 49% | 84 |
| #2 | WHALE_PIGEON | 46% | 112 |
| #3 | Medusa | 43% | 63 |
| #4 | jonarsen | 42% | 100 |
| #5 | ab0rt | 42% | 229 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Medusa | 43% | 63 |
| #4 | jonarsen | 42% | 100 |
| #5 | ab0rt | 42% | 229 |
| #6 | Gouranga | 40% | 62 |
| #7 | werdna | 39% | 133 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ab0rt | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | werdna | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Gouranga | 5 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | jonarsen | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | nahcarts | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jonarsen | 385 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #2 | WHALE_PIGEON | 222 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | nahcarts | 218 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | Medusa | 176 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | werdna | 148 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WHALE_PIGEON | +4.55 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | ab0rt | +2.22 | 73 | 47 |
| #3 | nahcarts | -0.23 | 71 | 75 |
| #4 | jonarsen | -0.51 | 76 | 71 |
| #5 | play2k | -1.11 | 54 | 56 |





