








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1794 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,914 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1965 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2044 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 751 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1154 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $121,892 of utility $34 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 49 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Witerally Wizz God | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Alex:) | 55% | 31 |
| #3 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 51% | 74 |
| #4 | Jordan | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | Ghost | 48% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ghost | 48% | 92 |
| #6 | oedibus | 44% | 144 |
| #7 | Nickelback | 43% | 84 |
| #8 | Taso | 43% | 47 |
| #9 | gooner | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oedibus | 8 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Nickelback | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 5 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Taso | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | Ghost | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oedibus | 281 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 70 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | Jordan | 66 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Ghost | 65 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nickelback | 65 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taso | +1.79 | 61 | 32 |
| #2 | Muzzatron | +1.63 | 61 | 58 |
| #3 | gooner | +0.92 | 63 | 15 |
| #4 | oedibus | +0.35 | 75 | 50 |
| #5 | Ghost | -0.06 | 72 | 42 |





