








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 47 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
926 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 972 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 149 | 15% |
| Smokes | 511 | 53% |
| HE Grenades | 165 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 147 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $225,937 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 179 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 48% | 42 |
| #2 | Jordan | 46% | 13 |
| #3 | Muzzatron | 43% | 47 |
| #4 | oedibus | 41% | 75 |
| #5 | Ghost | 41% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ghost | 41% | 56 |
| #6 | patrick | 40% | 10 |
| #7 | Witerally Wizz God | 38% | 8 |
| #8 | Alex:) | 35% | 26 |
| #9 | Nickelback | 31% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muzzatron | 10 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | oedibus | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | Ghost | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Nickelback | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muzzatron | 170 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #2 | oedibus | 163 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 45 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Nickelback | 40 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Ghost | 33 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Taso | +1.95 | 65 | 28 |
| #2 | Jordan | +1.64 | 59 | 62 |
| #3 | Muzzatron | +0.97 | 59 | 59 |
| #4 | oedibus | -0.25 | 73 | 48 |
| #5 | Ghost | -0.86 | 66 | 45 |





