








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 224 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 64 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2472 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,420 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1861 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2102 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1720 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 737 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $696,689 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 203 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ghost | 47% | 127 |
| #2 | Jordan | 45% | 103 |
| #3 | Muzzatron | 44% | 144 |
| #4 | crankyy | 44% | 16 |
| #5 | Taso | 41% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Taso | 41% | 75 |
| #6 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 41% | 100 |
| #7 | Alex:) | 41% | 110 |
| #8 | Nickelback | 38% | 144 |
| #9 | gooner | 36% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muzzatron | 16 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Nickelback | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | crankyy | 6 | 0.0189 |
| #5 | Taso | 4 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Muzzatron | 496 | 0.16 | 10 min |
| #2 | Jordan | 180 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | Nickelback | 121 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jack's Pocket Pussy | 99 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Ghost | 86 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crankyy | +3.87 | 62 | 59 |
| #2 | Muzzatron | +1.81 | 62 | 58 |
| #3 | Taso | +1.61 | 64 | 29 |
| #4 | gooner | +1.03 | 63 | 21 |
| #5 | oedibus | +0.19 | 74 | 49 |





