








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 444 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 385 matches | ||
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4823 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,577 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4924 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4381 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3798 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3474 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,241,438 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Floor Goblin | 68% | 28 |
| #2 | natent | 59% | 44 |
| #3 | Volibear | 53% | 204 |
| #4 | ✪TwinTurbo | 52% | 33 |
| #5 | ✪ Lubne | 51% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ✪ Lubne | 51% | 132 |
| #6 | Herminator | 48% | 66 |
| #7 | Enemy RPG | 48% | 50 |
| #8 | SotraNinja | 44% | 61 |
| #9 | Calqulatoren | 44% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Volibear | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | ✪ Lubne | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | natent | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | Herminator | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | SotraNinja | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Volibear | 390 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | ✪ Lubne | 251 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | natent | 170 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | Herminator | 153 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | SotraNinja | 119 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | natent | +3.14 | 81 | 68 |
| #2 | Maximator | +1.86 | 71 | 66 |
| #3 | ✪TwinTurbo | +0.24 | 79 | 62 |
| #4 | Volibear | +0.13 | 82 | 62 |
| #5 | Enemy RPG | -0.07 | 64 | 48 |





