








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 231 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 141 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1379 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,545 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 993 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1308 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 744 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1500 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $680,309 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chef :) | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | hops. | 70% | 20 |
| #3 | Hunter4lyfe13 | 64% | 14 |
| #4 | electriczz | 57% | 37 |
| #5 | maced1 | 55% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | KING | 55% | 64 |
| #7 | Mr Myers | 53% | 107 |
| #8 | Giuseppe | 53% | 79 |
| #9 | Ethanol | 53% | 55 |
| #10 | tao | 50% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Giuseppe | 6 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | maced1 | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Ethanol | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | electriczz | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | tao | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tao | 522 | 0.32 | 15 min |
| #2 | Mr Myers | 492 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #3 | maced1 | 377 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #4 | Giuseppe | 263 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #5 | KING | 166 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ethanol | +1.80 | 86 | 51 |
| #2 | KING | +1.65 | 78 | 53 |
| #3 | maced1 | +1.56 | 71 | 65 |
| #4 | Mr Myers | +1.16 | 63 | 56 |
| #5 | hops. | +0.07 | 71 | 59 |





