








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 153 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1320 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,229 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 951 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1555 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1224 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1499 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $517,266 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | woop woop | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Mr Thump | 68% | 57 |
| #3 | 2step | 64% | 22 |
| #4 | Matty | 59% | 29 |
| #5 | merkki | 58% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Matty | 59% | 29 |
| #5 | merkki | 58% | 57 |
| #6 | essentially ape | 57% | 35 |
| #7 | sauce | 53% | 68 |
| #8 | Ernie | 53% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sauce | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Mr Thump | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | essentially ape | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Matty | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | 2step | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sauce | 274 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #2 | merkki | 224 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #3 | essentially ape | 140 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #4 | Ernie | 128 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | Mr Thump | 89 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | merkki | +1.70 | 71 | 75 |
| #2 | 2step | +1.68 | 88 | 48 |
| #3 | essentially ape | +1.63 | 75 | 65 |
| #4 | sauce | +1.20 | 59 | 61 |
| #5 | Matty | +1.15 | 78 | 68 |





