








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1119 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1922 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,171 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1279 | 18% |
| Smokes | 469 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 3254 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 2169 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $481,710 of utility $83 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 775 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Squiddy | 51% | 55 |
| #2 | < blank > | 51% | 55 |
| #3 | Meant2DoThat | 46% | 222 |
| #4 | Colin | 46% | 183 |
| #5 | Notho | 46% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meant2DoThat | 25 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | Colin | 21 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | Squiddy | 12 | 0.0116 |
| #4 | Maggie | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | < blank > | 3 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Colin | 414 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #2 | Meant2DoThat | 267 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #3 | < blank > | 89 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Notho | 78 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | Squiddy | 68 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Notho | +4.38 | 69 | 63 |
| #2 | Colin | +3.62 | 46 | 53 |
| #3 | Squiddy | +2.75 | 67 | 49 |
| #4 | < blank > | +1.66 | 60 | 36 |
| #5 | Meant2DoThat | +1.33 | 64 | 46 |





