








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 939 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 516 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 215 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4985 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,368 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3858 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4559 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4031 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2920 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,516,250 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :[ | 73% | 30 |
| #2 | :] | 68% | 31 |
| #3 | InFLuenCE | 61% | 193 |
| #4 | Tinky Winky | 60% | 89 |
| #5 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 57% | 480 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | :] | 68% | 31 |
| #3 | InFLuenCE | 61% | 193 |
| #4 | Tinky Winky | 60% | 89 |
| #5 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 57% | 480 |
| #6 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 52% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 29 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | InFLuenCE | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | :] | 6 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | Tinky Winky | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 4 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 1458 | 0.14 | 34 min |
| #2 | Tinky Winky | 326 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #3 | InFLuenCE | 216 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 119 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | :[ | 105 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | InFLuenCE | +2.38 | 86 | 57 |
| #2 | Naughty Noo-Noo | +1.62 | 74 | 63 |
| #3 | :] | +1.23 | 85 | 56 |
| #4 | Tinky Winky | +0.73 | 64 | 68 |
| #5 | Township Elite (Looking for gf) | +0.42 | 67 | 53 |





