








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2401 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 705 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 152 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8933 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,921 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3824 | 19% |
| Smokes | 5243 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 6180 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 4674 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,868,791 of utility $183 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1129 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tinky Winky | 69% | 64 |
| #2 | :[ | 67% | 46 |
| #3 | :] | 66% | 47 |
| #4 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 66% | 47 |
| #5 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 62% | 375 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 62% | 375 |
| #6 | Township Elite (Looking for gf) | 61% | 193 |
| #7 | R.C. | 55% | 145 |
| #8 | .:BombeRmAn:. | 52% | 104 |
| #9 | P did it | 51% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 27 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | :] | 13 | 0.0130 |
| #3 | Township Elite (Looking for gf) | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | ♕ MadCap ♕ | 6 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | .:BombeRmAn:. | 5 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 1089 | 0.14 | 26 min |
| #2 | Township Elite (Looking for gf) | 522 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | .:BombeRmAn:. | 415 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #4 | Tinky Winky | 263 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #5 | P did it | 215 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | InFLuenCE | +3.15 | 87 | 57 |
| #2 | Naughty Noo-Noo | +1.62 | 74 | 64 |
| #3 | :] | +1.29 | 86 | 55 |
| #4 | Tinky Winky | +0.73 | 64 | 64 |
| #5 | :[ | +0.52 | 83 | 67 |





