








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 18 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
636 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,367 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 580 | 25% |
| Smokes | 638 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 893 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 256 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,186 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TeePinG_TiLLeR | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Default | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | wanGo | 45% | 62 |
| #5 | Snack_Pack | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | k0tley | 40% | 65 |
| #8 | .Jeffwee Truberman | 33% | 33 |
| #9 | Longstroker | 29% | 21 |
| #10 | patyoanton | 25% | 4 |
| #11 | KBX[29] | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0tley | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Longstroker | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | patyoanton | 3 | 0.0353 |
| #4 | wanGo | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0tley | 119 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | 46 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | wanGo | 28 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Longstroker | 24 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Default | 16 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | +4.54 | 79 | 60 |
| #2 | KBX[29] | +3.44 | 47 | 62 |
| #3 | Bully Maguire | +1.00 | 59 | 67 |
| #4 | wanGo | +0.36 | 67 | 56 |
| #5 | patyoanton | +0.24 | 65 | 66 |





