








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1121 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,846 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1401 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1038 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1031 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 376 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $206,618 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 716 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slappers | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | wanGo | 50% | 42 |
| #3 | Bully Maguire | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | Default | 45% | 11 |
| #5 | k0tley | 44% | 94 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Zicen | 40% | 20 |
| #7 | patyoanton | 40% | 35 |
| #8 | .Jeffwee Truberman | 38% | 21 |
| #9 | KBX[29] | 34% | 70 |
| #10 | Longstroker | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0tley | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | KBX[29] | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Bully Maguire | 3 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | patyoanton | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Longstroker | 2 | 0.0066 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0tley | 209 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | patyoanton | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | KBX[29] | 68 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | Zicen | 64 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Bully Maguire | 47 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slappers | +2.16 | 44 | 50 |
| #2 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | +1.90 | 75 | 62 |
| #3 | KBX[29] | +1.26 | 58 | 59 |
| #4 | patyoanton | +0.68 | 65 | 58 |
| #5 | Bully Maguire | +0.18 | 61 | 65 |





