








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 87 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Anubis | 36 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1551 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 531 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1943 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2272 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 958 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $543,360 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 753 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | KBX[29] | 40% | 97 |
| #10 | Longstroker | 39% | 28 |
| #11 | gLaab | 39% | 18 |
| #12 | .Jeffwee Truberman | 37% | 35 |
| #13 | lady_gLaab | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bully Maguire | 7 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | k0tley | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | KBX[29] | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | patyoanton | 4 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | 3 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | k0tley | 402 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #2 | KBX[29] | 104 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bully Maguire | 90 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | 83 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | patyoanton | 56 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SACRED PERSIAN STROKER | +4.07 | 77 | 61 |
| #2 | slappers | +3.10 | 53 | 51 |
| #3 | KBX[29] | +1.78 | 63 | 61 |
| #4 | Snack_Pack | +1.54 | 56 | 78 |
| #5 | Bully Maguire | +1.20 | 59 | 68 |





