








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 239 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6541 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 928 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 124 | 13% |
| Smokes | 181 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 331 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 292 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $123,231 of utility $10 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beat | 62% | 34 |
| #2 | Mr.NiceGuy | 54% | 287 |
| #3 | Levi | 54% | 85 |
| #4 | Bobert | 53% | 49 |
| #5 | Fat Bitch | 51% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Mr.CRAB MAN | 50% | 34 |
| #7 | PreppieAcorn78 | 49% | 105 |
| #8 | tang | 48% | 130 |
| #9 | ᴍᴇɴᴀᴄᴇ stozzy | 48% | 263 |
| #10 | Tee | 45% | 243 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 42 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | ᴍᴇɴᴀᴄᴇ stozzy | 32 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | PreppieAcorn78 | 19 | 0.0090 |
| #4 | tang | 10 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Tee | 9 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 320 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #2 | tang | 206 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #3 | PreppieAcorn78 | 189 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Tee | 113 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #5 | Mr.CRAB MAN | 112 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | +4.26 | 68 | 62 |
| #2 | beat | +2.99 | 67 | 25 |
| #3 | Fat Bitch | +2.85 | 70 | 63 |
| #4 | lonely | +2.40 | 79 | 10 |
| #5 | Mr.CRAB MAN | +1.44 | 58 | 53 |





