








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1234 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 450 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 206 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 87 matches | ||
| Wingman | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 109 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




88 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8783 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,206 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2695 | 15% |
| Smokes | 6786 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 5771 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2954 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,703,012 of utility $191 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5498 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | 64% | 115 |
| #2 | taco bell victim | 58% | 71 |
| #3 | beat | 55% | 99 |
| #4 | lonely | 54% | 85 |
| #5 | Bobert | 53% | 196 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tang | 42 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Tee | 31 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Bobert | 28 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | taco bell victim | 24 | 0.0169 |
| #5 | Mr.NiceGuy | 16 | 0.0070 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tang | 1070 | 0.09 | 30 min |
| #2 | Bobert | 363 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #3 | Tee | 286 | 0.04 | 7 min |
| #4 | taco bell victim | 194 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | beat | 183 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr.NiceGuy | +4.03 | 65 | 58 |
| #2 | taco bell victim | +3.69 | 51 | 58 |
| #3 | beat | +3.37 | 70 | 32 |
| #4 | Fat Bitch | +2.40 | 69 | 51 |
| #5 | lonely | +2.21 | 77 | 13 |





