








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 530 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 151 matches | ||
| Premier | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2177 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,091 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4256 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4601 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3778 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4456 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $690,730 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 499 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | emforr | 52% | 95 |
| #8 | John Baker™ | 47% | 19 |
| #9 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 43% | 35 |
| #10 | PastorJuanDeegz | 41% | 29 |
| #11 | Telcis | 38% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | emforr | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | MAYKIT | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Cario_ | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | PastorJuanDeegz | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | ny1ander | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Telcis | 99 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | MAYKIT | 87 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 70 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | emforr | 45 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Cario_ | 45 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | +1.60 | 72 | 72 |
| #2 | John Baker™ | +0.99 | 63 | 55 |
| #3 | ny1ander | +0.33 | 87 | 62 |
| #4 | emforr | -0.13 | 48 | 53 |
| #5 | Cario_ | -0.14 | 69 | 47 |





