








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 707 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 328 matches | ||
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,139 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5817 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5557 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2874 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 4891 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,174,224 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 543 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jared | 55% | 148 |
| #2 | papercut01 | 55% | 71 |
| #3 | WondurKat | 54% | 91 |
| #4 | fevve | 53% | 162 |
| #5 | bernie | 52% | 209 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | bernie | 52% | 209 |
| #6 | jose.gonzalez.2007 | 50% | 195 |
| #7 | Yoseph Yo Gurtman | 50% | 72 |
| #8 | Chef Ramsay | 38% | 32 |
| #9 | <blank> | 32% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bernie | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | jose.gonzalez.2007 | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | fevve | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | jared | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jose.gonzalez.2007 | 888 | 0.21 | 24 min |
| #2 | bernie | 570 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #3 | fevve | 428 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #4 | papercut01 | 396 | 0.26 | 10 min |
| #5 | Yoseph Yo Gurtman | 271 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | papercut01 | +2.48 | 89 | 67 |
| #2 | Promoter of Tamjai Mixian | +0.31 | 72 | 69 |
| #3 | jared | +0.04 | 56 | 61 |
| #4 | bernie | -0.13 | 88 | 55 |
| #5 | Chef Ramsay | -0.33 | 57 | 52 |





